It has long been my contention that everything is based on relationship.
On a personal level, we prefer to spend time with those whom we like (or love).
On a professional level, we prefer to be in business, and do business, with people we know, like and trust. In fact, those three words, know, like and trust, are so vital to building strong business relationships that they have become a cliche in the marketing world.
So how do you create the relationships that result in know, like and trust?
So you’ve picked your destination. Great! Now, it’s time to shift people’s perception of who they think you are. That’s important, because if they don’t know you’ve made a change or can’t see you in a different light, they can’t help you succeed.
There’s a reason for stereotypes and pigeon-holes. They are ways our brains create a filing system and know where to put people in our mental map of the me-centered universe. ‘Bob the accountant’, ‘Jane the teacher’, ‘Bill the dentist’, ‘Anna the engineer’—these are all short, easy ways we keep straight all the hundreds of people we meet and know. Stereotypes come in when we create a one-size-fits-all description of what someone who is in a certain job or profession is like. ‘Accountants are risk-averse and detailed-oriented’ or ‘IT people like to solve problems and are introverts’—you probably could fill a page with your own version of professional stereotypes if you gave it some thought.
Have you ever considered how the people you know have already pigeon-holed and stereotyped you?
Every time we tell an audience that “change is uncomfortable,” Gail thinks of the parakeet her friend Lorraine used to own. Lorraine’s parakeet was very tame. She would let it out of its cage, and it could fly around the house. One day, the parakeet landed on the floor in the middle of the kitchen. Lorraine’s springer spaniel swallowed the bird in one gulp.
In the next instant, Lorraine’s teenage son dove across the kitchen and tackled the dog, giving it the Heimlich Maneuver. Up came the parakeet—alive and unhurt—but looking rather bedraggled and confused.
Leading (and being a human) can be exhausting, particularly at year-end. To lead with ease, here are some simplistic (as in easy to understand, perhaps challenging to practice) tips to help you have smooth and calm sailing. I encourage you to apply the same techniques with family and friends. Simply substitute the words “family members,” “partner,” “kids,” or whomever, in place of “staff.”
“Christine” (2016). Cast: Rebecca Hall, Michael C. Hall, Tracy Letts, Maria Dizzia, J. Smith-Cameron, Timothy Simons, Kim Shaw, John Cullum, Morgan Spector, Jayson Warner Smith, Kimberley Drummond, Lindsay Ayliffe, Ritchie Montgomery. Director: Antonio Campos. Screenplay: Craig Shilowich. Web site. Trailer.
Staying on top of things when we’re under constant pressure to perform can be challenging enough, even under the best of circumstances. But, when we add to that issues of unresolved ambition, the pursuit of integrity, personal problems and health concerns, we might easily be pushed over the brink. Such is the case for a troubled television reporter seeking to do worthwhile work and make a name for herself in the disturbing new biographical drama, “Christine.”
“Arrival” (2016). Cast: Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, Forest Whitaker, Michael Stuhlbarg, Mark O’Brien, Tzi Ma, Jadyn Malone, Carmella Nossa Guizzo, Abigail Pniowsky, Julia Scarlett Dan. Director: Denis Villeneuve. Screenplay: Eric Heisserer. Story: Ted Chiang, “The Story of Your Life.” Web site. Trailer.
Something as simple as saying “hello” shouldn’t be difficult, right? But what if we were up against that task in the context of contact with aliens? How would we respond? In fact, where would we even begin? Establishing a connection and effective communication are crucial. However, such critical concerns notwithstanding, an even more fundamental consideration is developing an understanding of how we each view the nature of existence. Without that, we may never even get to hello. These are among the questions a team of experts wrestles with in the profound, thought-provoking new sci-fi thriller, “Arrival.”
I’ve written about this topic before. It is deep and multifaceted. It has the ability to trip us up again and again. It can be a roadblock or gateway depending on if we are looking inside or outside. I know because I’ve danced with it for years.
What am I talking about? Judgment.
Someone commented to me recently that I use the word “judgment” or “judge” frequently. I use it as I’m attempting to understand communication and styles. I use it as I’m reflecting on my own willingness to stretch or to take a positive risk. And I use it when I’m trying to make sense of the world around me.
One of the questions you may often get from people is why you decided to follow a certain path in life, why you chose a particular business or profession to pursue – or perhaps why you decided to change gears and reinvent yourself at some point in your life.
In the radio and TV interviews I have been doing lately, I get this question a lot.
Why am so passionately committed to helping people unleash their unique and authentic voice and gain confidence and ease in speaking in public, so that they can realize their full potential and live a rewarding life full of true meaning?
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Jim Masters of CUTV News recently interviewed me. Among the many questions he threw my way, he wanted to know what drives me to do what I do.
It is really very simple.
I am passionately committed to helping people unleash their unique and authentic voice and gain confidence and ease in speaking in public, so that they can realize their full potential and live a rewarding life full of true meaning.
I recently went to Harlow’s in downtown Sacramento to see Café Musique, a self-described gypsy, wild classical band that has been performing together for ten plus years and hails from my former home base of San Luis Obispo County.
I’m not a big classical music fan, and I have barely any awareness of the composers or songs that are reworked and performed in their sets. But I am a giant, goosebumps-on-my-arms, shivers-down-my-spine fan of passion and purpose. And passion and purpose make up the golden thread that is the magic of the Café Musique.
We are all feeling the shift–the motion of photons into new patterns, the alteration of life on the planet, and subtle changes within our perception of life. Sometimes, it’s helpful to recognize aspects of the shift. By simply observing, we become more aware.
Are you sometimes hesitant to open your mouth, even though it is something you really want to say?
Are there too many opportunities you have missed as a result?
I am totally dedicated to helping you to gain confidence in speaking to others, so that you can reach your full potential and be able to freely share your gifts with the world.
When we talk about the fear of public speaking, the first thing that comes to mind is getting up on a stage and giving a formal speech of some kind.
However, there are many other times in the course of business and in our everyday lives that we have to speak in public.
I invite you to take the following assessment, so that you can have a better idea of your actual public speaking comfort level.
One summer when he was in middle school, our son Eli attended the Bob Lanier-Dick Vitale Basketball Summer Day Camp.
At that time, Bob Lanier played center for the Detroit Pistons (with an amazingly gorgeous hook shot) and Dick Vitale was the Pistons’ coach.
Beyond the usual basketball skills one would expect from such a camp, Dick Vitale taught the kids his goal setting system, The 4 D’s of Life – Desire, Dedication, Discipline, and Determination.
In my last post on 3 Tips on Over-Coming Your Fear of Public Speaking, I briefly alluded to the fact that well-handled goof-ups can make your remarks even more powerful and memorable.
But, you are probably thinking that this is easier said than done. In the heat of the moment, one can sometimes freeze, like a deer in headlights.
In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says to “start with the end in mind.” This concept is important whether you are starting a diet, writing a report, planning a garden, and even planning your life. I have been watching the 2016 Olympics, and last night, I saw an interview with American athlete Ryan Murphy who took gold in the 100m backstroke. Like many Olympians, going to the Olympics has been his goal since he was a small child. We saw drawings (or what we would call vision boards) that Ryan had created of him swimming the back stroke when he was young. These images were captioned, “I look forward to being the best swimmer in the world one day.” This is such a great example of how having clarity, passion, and focus about what you want, and then executing that vision with systems and a coach is so important not only for athletes but for every part of life.